HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of my seminars, a woman asked me a
question. She said, "How do I know if I married
the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next
to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your
husband?"

In all seriousness, how do you know?

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your spouse. You
anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In
fact, it was a completely spontaneous
experience. You didn't have to DO anything.
That's why it's called "falling" in love - because
it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my
feet." Think about the imagery of that
expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then something
came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria
of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY
relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is
not always welcome (when it happens), and your
spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your
marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire
that experience with someone else. This is when
marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their
marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and
sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But
sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie
outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love
with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY
you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN
MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labour of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love
is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you
can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed
with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable - you can "make" love.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of my seminars, a woman asked me a
question. She said, "How do I know if I married
the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next
to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your
husband?"

In all seriousness, how do you know?

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your spouse. You
anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In
fact, it was a completely spontaneous
experience. You didn't have to DO anything.
That's why it's called "falling" in love - because
it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my
feet." Think about the imagery of that
expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then something
came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria
of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY
relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is
not always welcome (when it happens), and your
spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your
marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire
that experience with someone else. This is when
marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their
marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and
sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But
sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie
outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love
with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY
you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN
MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labour of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love
is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you
can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed
with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable - you can "make" love.